The Little Haru
by Alice P. Snow
Summary: Don't let Haru watch "The Little Mermaid." CRACK! Warning: contains cussing!


**Ok, so I've been having trouble writing lately and this is my attempt to get back into the swing of things. This is pure crack and not meant to be taken seriously at all.**

 **If I need to up the rating 'cause of all the cussing, please tell me.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own "Free!"**

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Most people believe Haruka Nanase to be a calm, cool-headed person. If you get to know him, you'll find out that he's a water-obsessed goofball. And if you ever watch "The Little Mermaid" with him, then you'll realize that Haruka Nanase can be absolutely _terrifying_.

 ** _*breaky*breaky*breaky*_**

"Makoto! Makoto, look at this shit!" Haru exclaims, gesturing angrily at the TV. "Why the _hell_ would she _want_ to leave the ocean? There's so much water! It's paradise!"

Rei and Nagisa watch on in morbid fascination as Haru throws very creative expletives toward an animated mermaid. Makoto blames the little blond devil for this. Nagisa's the one that brought the movie, after all.

"Haru, Ariel just wants to be with the man she loves. True love is a very powerful thing.", Makoto says, trying to calm his friend down.

The dark haired boy whirls around to face him. There's a light in his eyes; turning them into bright blue pits of fire. "Fuck true love! Water is the only love I'll ever need!" he snarls.

Makato sighs in exasperation. Damn that little shota. He is definitely showing Rei Nagisa's search history in revenge. Let's see if the glasses wearing teen is up for experimental sex after _that_! HA!

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Seeing as Nagisa just ran to the kitchen yelling something about popcorn, and Rei is standing there like a very entertained but also very terrified fish (butterfly?), Makoto's the only one able to answer the door. **Ugh.**

On the other side of the door is a short, chubby girl holding a box of tissues. Makoto has never seen her before in his life.

Somewhere behind him, Nagisa begins giggling like the crazy little shit he is as something crashes loudly. Makoto really hopes Haru didn't just break the TV in his rage about "The Little Mermaid." Again.

With a gentle smile that doesn't reach his eyes, Makoto asks, "Can I help you?" In his mind, he's chanting 'You can do this Ma-Ma. You'll pull through like always. She'll go away soon enough.'

The strange girl does some weird eyebrow-wiggle-thing and says, "No, but I can help _you_."

What. The. _Hell._

No. Nope.

Makoto can, in fact, _not_ do this. He is sooo done right now.

(Un)Fortunately, the girl doesn't wait for an answer. She pushes past him, which- _ **rude**_ **,** and skips into the living room. "Haru!", she shouts. (And how does she know his name?!) "I have critical info you need to know about the 'dumb red-headed mermaid!' It may change your mind about her!"

Haru turns toward her, eyes narrowed. He doesn't even question why a stranger is in his house, he just gestures for her to go on. Rei and Nagisa seem intrigued as well.

The girl smothers her grin. "Haru.", she says as seriously as she can. "The one thing you need to know about Ariel is that she feels about land the way you feel about water."

The room is quiet as that sinks in. Then, Haru bursts into tears. "Oh my cod, Ariel! I'm sorry I said so many mean things!", he wails. The random girl cheerfully hands him the box of tissues. He blows his nose and sniffles out a, "I'm rootin' for you girl."

Nagisa sighs from where he's munching on popcorn. "Aww! Is the show over already?", he whines.

Rei places a hand on the shorter boys shoulder. He pushes up his glasses. "Don't worry, love. We still have the movie to watch."

Nagisa lights up immediately. The couple settle on the couch in front of the TV that Haru thankfully hadn't decided to chunk out a window. They're quickly joined by a still crying Haru and the manically grinning stranger girl.

Makoto is fucking **_done_**.

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 **I have no idea if this was actually funny or not. If it wasn't, sorry. If it was, though, you're welcome! Oh, and "Ma-Ma" is a pun of Makoto's name and the fact that I've heard he's the 'mom' of the Iwatobi swim team. Plus, the random OC girl is totally a self-indulgent self-insert. Yep.**

 **Thanks for reading! ^_^ A review would be appreciated but not mandatory!**

 **P.S.- How do you get indents to stay?**


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